Objects in mirror are closer than they appear …

“You’ve cast me aside,” is what AC says tonight when he calls. It’s not true, but I think it ought to be.

When I met AC, I had a romance novel moment, a kind I thought didn’t happen in the actual world. I was walking down the street, turned and saw him and felt my equilibrium shift. He was sitting with a group of his friends, but I didn’t see any of them. It was as if my eyes had a depth of field problem and could only focus on one point and everything else was blurred.  Sappy.  Maudlin.  But there it is.

And I thought that must mean something. And I suppose it did mean something, but I got the interpretation wrong. I should have gone with, “There’s a man to flirt with and walk away from.”

But the thing about AC is that for all the ways he is intentionally and unconsciously dense, for all the ways he has shown me that he is so very much not a man with whom I should be making any long-term plans, he is connected to me on a level that both distresses me and keeps me from being able to close the door between us. When I am sad or frustrated or feeling hopeless, the phone rings and there he is. When I am thinking about another man, the phone rings and there he is. when I’m feeling homesick for Jamaica, the phone rings and there he is. When I’m thinking, ‘Well, AC hasn’t called in ____ weeks, I guess he’s finally given up on me,” the phone rings and there he is. This freakish psychic connection has been true from the very beginning of our knowing each other. It charmed me then. Unsettles me now.

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5 thoughts on “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear …

  1. I believe in soul mates, in that instant connection, that recognition of one’s other half.

    Reading your words makes me wonder about what happens when you recognize your soul mate and recognize that they are all wrong for you.

    Now, there’s a story . . .

  2. Yep, I used to know a guy like that. I was entangled with him for seven precious years of my life. He was gorgeous and there was that exact same psychic thing–I’d think of him and the phone would ring. I called him the Desire and Despair Guy. Even now I can feel a twinge, but it’s 99 percent gone and I am glad. I would never have been happy with him. Never ever.

  3. inmate1972

    What would be the proper terminology for the opposite of a soul-connection? A soul-disconnection? There’s just some people who don’t bring out the very best in you but have found a mysterious back door that allows them to re-enter your existence at will. Find the door and get a padlock. A big one!

  4. Yeah, I just can’t figure out what I want to do here. AC and I have better conversations now than we had when we were together. I’d love for us to be friends, but I’m not sure that’s a realistic wish.

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