No, really, I do. I find them funny, charming, sexy. I like the way they smell. I like having sex with them (all apologies to my mother and big brother and anyone else who is traumatized by my acknowledgment of the woefully-occasional existence of sex in my life).
I love men. But — you knew there was one, right? — then they do and say things that reveal them to be utterly alien and sometimes creepy and disgusting beings. And I am forced to wonder why I am at all interested in connecting myself in any way to someone who could eventually reveal himself to be such a creature.
I waited for the B44 on my way home from school the other night. A young woman was at the bus stop, too. She was maybe 20 or 21 and quite enormously and prettily pregnant. A young man at the bus stop — one whom all of us at the stop just heard on the phone explaining to someone what a lousy friend he is because he never sticks around when there’s trouble — spotted the pretty, pregnant girl and zoomed right up on her, making flirty conversation.
(No, I’m not going to give him a hard time for flirting with a pregnant woman. Normally I would, but I let it go this time. She was very pretty, her pregnancy made her even prettier … Like I said, I let it go.)
She didn’t seem to mind the flirting, though she did make a point of talking about her baby’s daddy — how long they’d been together, how happy they were about the baby. He flirted a little more, but finally the conversation got quiet. Then, looking at her ‘bump’ (does that descriptor for a pregnant woman’s belly annoy you? … I know it annoys the bejesus* out of me …), he shook his head and said wistfully**:
“Another time, another place, that could’ve been me. What d’you say to that?”
WHAT?! Everyone at the bus stop turned and looked at him. Yeah. Another time and place and I, a complete stranger, could have impregnated you. What would anyone say to that? Talk about the champion of pick-up lines.
I do love men. I do, I do, I do. I do love men … but why do guys say crap like that?
* my requisite infusion of folksy, Palinesque, Joe-six-pack speak.
** I never describe anyone as wistful, never even think to use this word … but I had to balance the Palin-speak somehow.