So much for my belief that our long separation and only occasional conversation would have the effect of convincing AC that we are, in fact, no longer a couple. I saw him yesterday for the first time in two years … and he asked me to marry him.
I wish I was kidding.
I can’t possibly marry AC. It would be a mistake of ginormous proportions … ‘though it would also give me a way to move to Jamaica.
That was, in fact, how the proposal came about. We were sitting on the roof looking at the stars and I was daydreaming about one day figuring out a way to move here.
“What’s the matter with you?” AC is never one to beat around the bush or pull his punches. A blessing and a curse, I’m thinking.
“Why don’t you just marry me already? Then you can move here, no problem.”
“You’re asking me to marry you?”
“I’m always asking you to marry me.”
Which isn’t exactly true, though he has asked me twice before.
I wish I could take that at face value, believe that it means to him what I want it to mean to me. I can’t seem to do it, however. I’ve spent the whole day today thinking about what it would mean for me to marry him, about how awfully we would get along after about 72 hours of wedded bliss.
But maybe I’m wrong? Couldn’t I be wrong?
I think it was Molly who described my relationship with AC as ‘unresolved.’ Too true. I thought coming down here would help me find some clarity, moving things in one direction or another, just out of limbo. At this moment I’m feeling more in limbo than ever.