So before Seagram’s got me all upset, it had been nearly two months since my last post. And I hadn’t been doing too much posting before that long break, either. What’s that about, you ask. Truly, I’m not entirely sure. Or, rather, I’m not sure which factor carried the most weight.
I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis for the last year. Once I stopped teaching, I had a hard time figuring out what my blog was supposed to be. It wasn’t all teaching all the time before last December, but my teaching definitely informed who I was here. I was afraid that, without having my students’ fabulous stories and all the things I learned from them, my blog would become the place for me to rant about racism, sexism and my wholly uninteresting pet peeves … and if you look over my posts from the last year, that’s mostly what you’ll see. I was so busy trying to figure out who and what I was if I wasn’t “teacher lady,” I stopped writing entirely.
Add to that the self-imposed gag-order on writing about the work I left teaching to do. It’s still true that I don’t want to talk too specifically about my work because doing so will give up the last little bit of anonymity I like to kid myself that I have here. But, like teaching, my work is so much of what I’m doing. It’s the reason I was in Detroit last month, the reason I’m having a whole other, off-blog kind of identity crisis right now … and yet I still feel I can’t write about it. I know that anyone who reads here can easily figure out who I am. There are so many dots to connect that lead right to me, and yet I still hold back.
In two months, this blog will be four years old, and I’m questioning whether I should just shut it down and move on. I don’t think I want to shut down, but I’m still feeling stuck. Certainly it’s true that there will always be things that annoy the crap out of me, and I’ll always be ready to rant about them, but I’m really not looking to just be pissed off online all the time. So what am I left with?
I could tell you that today, in honor of their election into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (and because of the nice memory the song always calls up for me), I had the Beastie Boys’ She’s Crafty playing on a loop on my iPod. And I could tell you that I know Fox must be pleased that Guns-n-Roses was voted in — in their first year of eligibility, no less. And you might wonder: Guns-n-Roses? And I’d say: yes, they’ve been Fox’s guilty pleasure the whole of their 25 years.
And then we’d all say: so what?
Yeah, exactly. In any case, Seagrams forced an end to my silence. We’ll see what happens.