Mmm … if that title doesn’t get you salivating, I don’t know what will!
Do you ever read the wacky spam comments you get on your blog before you empty the trash? Some of them don’t make much effort to disguise themselves and just say over and over again that I can get nude pictures of celebrities or some such. I have no respect for these spammers. They’re too lazy to be worth even a moment of my time.
But then I think of the others, the fabulously-creative souls who try to sound like some trippy movie version of real people, who want me to believe the crazy business they post is a) normal speech and b) in any way related to whatever I’ve just written … those people I almost love, but they’re just working too hard, you know? And when I say “those people,” what I really probably mean is “those computer programs,” because could real people actually be killing brain cells writing this silly stuff?
The other day I had a spam email that thanked me for writing “about eating take out on the sofa with the family,” because it made my blog seem “so liveable.” Um, yeah. Okay. And yesterday I had one that claimed my “collection of words and sentences really give a new perspective on how living is great!” As if.
As much as my blogging ego would love to think my little posts are so powerfully uplifting, I know better. More importantly, why is anyone putting this kind of effort into spamming? These messages are never going to get through the filter as they are so obviously bogus, so why waste the time? Why not just be lazy like the “nude celebrity pix” people and move on?
I wasn’t going to bother writing this post, but at work yesterday I noticed a new collection of canned goods in the food donation box outside my office … and there were three cans of SPAM in there. I figured that was a sign. Do people still eat SPAM? I mean, yes, I guess they do, but … really? And shouldn’t we put warning labels on it so that our Muslim students know it’s made from pork (something I didn’t know until I looked it up today, by the way)? And how is it made from pork, exactly? It certainly doesn’t taste like pork. It does make for some good poetry, however:
And then there is my current dilemma of what to cook tomorrow. I have some VONA writers coming over and no idea what to serve. SPAM and eggs? SPAMwiches? SPAMburgers? Oh, the choices are endless!
Check out today’s 100% SPAM-free slices at Two Writing Teachers.