The sun has gone to bed and so must I …

So last night I remembered to post Thursday’s poem … then forgot about Friday’s. So tonight I’ll post Friday and Saturday and put myself back on track. Sleep deprivation never plays out well for me. Why haven’t I learned this lesson yet? Stubborn, I think that’s what this is called. Or perhaps denial. In any case, my utter exhaustion continues. Feh.

My Zeno poems continue, too.* Not long ago, I was struggling with the long first line and how to make it balance with the rest of the poem. No longer. I wouldn’t say I’m comfortable with that line now, but my problem with the last three to five lines of the poem far overshadow my not-at-all-trouble-like trouble with the first line. I can move fairly easily through at least the first five lines … and then something switches off, or slides out of position. Something. I know part of it is my desire to avoide what yesterday I called the sing-song-y feel of that 4/2/1 rhythm. But I think there’s more to it than that. For example, here’s the poem I wrote Friday:

When did I forget how to fly?
How to open
my arms,
sing
loud, bawdy songs?
Now the
stings
of doubt, of fear
still my
wings.

It sounds reasonably ok until I get through with the loud, bawdy songs … and then it kind of falls apart. My brain just seems set against that last half of the pattern. Not sure what that’s about. I’m trusting that I’ll write my way past it if I keep going with these poems through month’s end.

An now tonight’s poem, inspired by walking home and tilting my head up as I passed under my neighbor’s now-blooming apple tree and catching that delicious, barely-there perfume:

Apple blossoms light my walk
green scent of spring,
scent of
sun.
Sweet air surrounds,
my memories
run —
where are you now,
are we
done?

_____
* A Zeno has ten lines and following pattern: syllables = 8/4/2/1/4/2/1/4/2/1, rhymes = a/b/c/d/e/f/d/g/h/d.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “The sun has gone to bed and so must I …

  1. Oh Friday’s poem – I’ve been there – the slow epiphany dawning that occurred just before I picked up my pen and returned to writing after a twenty year draught.
    Saturday’s poem – tinged with the bittersweet, but still lovely.

    Like

  2. I really like what you’re doing with this form.

    I’ve been so intrigued that I went ahead and attempted one of my own, and had a lot of trouble with that last rhyme. No matter what I did, the last rhyme ‘felt’ wrong somehow, and I wanted to use a word that didn’t. Do you think that may be what happens in the last half that bothers you?

    Have you read any Zenos where you didn’t notice that at all?

    Like

    1. I think you may be onto something, Re. Something about having to finish in that same pattern throws me.

      As for reading other Zenos, I have to admit that I haven’t. Now I’m intrigued. I’ll have to go try to hunt up a few and see what I think. Thanks for the inspiration!

      Like

Your turn ...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s