The Secret’s Out (Arun 4)

I think it’s on to me. My knee, that is. Seems to know what I’ve got planned, that it’s not long for this world. Ten days til surgery and for the last week that poor joint has been hammering with pain. It knows, and it’s not happy.

I feel sorry for it, but my course is set. I do feel sorry. It’s strange to think of swapping out a piece of your body for a piece of equipment. Not that I’m worried about becoming Borg or bionic, but will I miss it? As unlikely as that should seem, I do wonder.

Everything I’ve read says recovery can take at least a year, and given how out of shape I am, I’m surely a poster child for long recovery. Still. A year is a LONG time. True, it takes time to build a solid relationship – and took me 20 years to be ready to break things off with my current knee – but a year.  Whoa, is all I’m saying.

Tonight’s Arun is really not calling my name. When it started forming in my head, I thought we were going somewhere, but no. No matter. We can’t always have those “uncharted atlas” moments.

Why?
And why?
Why again.
It’s all you ask.
It’s all I can’t say.
Why?
Knowing
this answer
could gentle us,
pull us from this edge,
hold
our hands,
lift us clear.
But no. Nothing
will be that easy.

An Arun is a fifteen-line poem in three sets of five lines.  Each set of five lines follows the same syllable structure: starting with one syllable and increasing by one (1/2/3/4/5 — 3x).

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6 thoughts on “The Secret’s Out (Arun 4)

  1. i did not miss my uterus when it was removed, in fact i felt rather liberated. i could now be a woman without one of the sine qua non organs of womanhood. how different was i from a trans woman? a little disorienting, but freeing as well.

    you will have a much longer recovery, but when you have a knee without pain, that will feel liberating, i hope.

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    1. I hope so, too. The teacher in my class on Friday talked about needing to relearn our bodies because we’ve reordered ourselves to work around our bad knees. She talked about muscle memory, and I wondered if that was how I would miss my knee … miss it and not miss it at the same time. We’ll see.

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    1. It’s navigating recovery that’s looming large for me. I have full faith in my doc and the work he’ll do. It’s the work I have to do afterward that’s getting me worried. But the class helped with that, too.

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  2. I think your knee might miss you. A year will pass with or without a new knee. I hope your year will be filled with joy in the midst of pain. Will your knee be magnetic?
    I have missed the bits of skin that were cut out of me, but I am glad to be rid of the threat of cancer.
    Pain for the common good of the body.
    Hugs to you friend.
    xo
    Pamela

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    1. Oh, I like the question about being magnetic! Sadly, I think not. That could be interesting.

      “Pain for the common good of the body.” I hadn’t thought of it that way. I like that.

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