Do I still take from Mom? Would she see herself in me?

On By GirlGriotIn #bravenewworldindeed, #theworldturnedupsidedown, angry black woman, family, love, people I love, self care, slice of life

Today is Mom’s birthday, my paternal grandmother, the calm, smooth-tempered Eva Nora. How is it already 14 years since she passed?

I take from Mom: in my face, in my hands, and in my temperament. She had a tranquility, a stillness, a quiet peace. And I have, my whole life, been known for that kind of calm, smooth-tempered-ness. People who know me mostly these last few years may be surprised to read that. Me, ever-angry Stacie, known for her calm, even temper? How sway?

That was before. A lifetime ago. Back when students would tell me they couldn’t imagine me angry and hoped to never see me so. Before George Zimmerman was acquitted. Before Ferguson. Before.

And I think about Mom and what she would have to say today. Would she have been able to hold onto her slow-to-anger serenity? Or would she, like me, have come to a place where embracing her anger, sharing it around liberally, made more sense, became better self care than her ability to stay calm?

I am certain I know the answer, certain that she and I are still mirrors.

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8 thoughts on “Do I still take from Mom? Would she see herself in me?”

  1. I loved your description of your grandmother, and your sense that the time for calm serenity is gone, and action is needed instead.

    I was thinking about my grandfather today, and I haven’t in a while. Your post reminded me that today would have been his birthday, and it was a nice thought.

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  4. No, never foaming. Even in your anger there is a undercurrent of composure to your demeanor that is powerful. I’d garner this foreboding calm would be as much a part your grand-matriarchal mirror counterpart, were she here, as it is a part of you now.

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