Today, instead …

Today, I read about Black folks in Detroit who are transforming their communities and keeping bees.

Today, I read about the students at Fieldston who staged a lockout to protest their administration’s lack of adequate response to racism in their school.

Today, I sat with my eyes closed and listened to the rain, listened to the ways it crashed against my windows and seemed to explode out of the sky then calm and smooth itself down to a quiet drizzle.

Today, I slept a lot. In part, I slept because my body needs this sleep for healing and it really seemed that Monday’s surgery hit me full force today. In part, I slept because sometimes all I can do is shut down when there is horribleness so horrible and I can’t process the freedom people feel with their hate.

Today, there were things I wanted and needed to do. Instead, I curled into myself, tight like a pill bug, desperate to disappear, to stay closed off until the danger passed.

But the danger isn’t passing, won’t pass, can never pass on its own. And I can only give myself this one day to hide my head.

2 thoughts on “Today, instead …

  1. HI friend,
    Hope you will be feeling better soon in all ways… I hope you are healing from your surgery and I hope we can all move toward a better future… I hope that the crop of new presidential hopefuls will lead us to back to sanity. I hope…


    1. Thank you, Bonnie. This is a better way to come through the sadness I was feeling yesterday, with hope, with ideas for what we can work on and hope for. And I knew I would get to that place, but yesterday I was fighting hard against feeling the despair. I appreciate your reminder of light, of possibility. ❤


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