Still Processing …

Plans are taking shape for offering our programming online. I spent pretty much this whole day in meetings with our program directors, answering questions, encouraging brainstorming, trying to reassure them that they won’t be left in the lurch.

I’m exhausted.

I’m also, for the first time, worried. It’s not that I didn’t take this virus seriously before today. I most certainly took it seriously. It’s not that I didn’t acknowledge that I am in the group of people at risk for having a bad time with this virus if I get sick. I acknowledged that. So what’s different?

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve actually had to make plans for working from home, had to wrestle with the concrete facts of the degree to which I’ll self-isolate, had to cross the line from “here’s what *people* should do,” to “here’s what *I* have to do.”

I’m also sad. Preemptively sad. I’m sad thinking about not getting to see my really excellent team every day until the fog lifts on this terrible time. I’m sad thinking about all of the people that will be negatively impacted by this virus. I’m sad thinking about all the ways we as a country could have responded more quickly and helpfully so that fewer people would be in jeopardy. I’m sad thinking about the fact that my trip to visit my family last month will be the last time I’ll visit for the foreseeable future.

I wasn’t thinking about any of these things yesterday. I wasn’t worried yesterday. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that, if I  were to wind up in the worst-case version of this illness, I would likely not be a candidate for the limited supply of life-saving acute care equipment because of my age and size and pre-existing health conditions.

Wow, talk about things that aren’t helping my mood. I mean, damn.

Yes, and.

And it’s also true that I ate a delicious Jona Gold apple today. It’s also true that I saw my team rally and come up with great ideas today. It’s also true that I had great text exchanges with my best-beloved niece and nephew. It’s also true that I started my day with a text from my best-beloved sister. It’s also true that my hair looked great today. It’s also true that the day turned from grey, foggy, and rainy to clear-blue sunny when I wasn’t looking. It’s also true that I made a connection with one of my neighbors. It’s also true that I won every game of online Scrabble I played. And it’s also true that I saw my first star of the night before the sun had fully set.

So, yeah. All of that. All of that. I’m worried. I’m prepping to start doing 60% of my work from home. And I’m determined to be fine, to keep myself as safe and healthy as I can … and to remember that practicing gratitude always makes me feel better.


It’s March, which means it’s time for the
13th annual Slice of Life Story Challenge!
Curious? Head on over to Two Writing Teachers
and see what the rest of this year’s slicers are up to!

Original Slicer - GirlGriot

15 thoughts on “Still Processing …

  1. mrssurridge

    I really enjoyed your post. There are so many of us taking off on this unexplored journey. I think reading that others are anxious is comforting. I really love how you moved from frustration and sadness to all the great things that happened today. It’s amazing what a good hair day can do for you!!

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  2. glenda funk

    I think sometimes we need to state all the things getting us down to find release, like breathing out in yoga. Then we can talk ourselves off the stress ledge and find the good, direct our focus to the good, like taking a bite out of a delicious apple.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. >And I’m determined to be fine, to keep myself as safe and healthy as I can … and to remember that practicing gratitude always makes me feel better.<

    Bingo. Right here. Scream this all over the place. This week has been a (pardon me) giant shit show of behaviors, behaviors of nervous teachers, students, and community members. We did get a fairly uplifting email from our superintendent, but still, so many "what ifs" floating out there in the world.

    However, my wife, after reading your blog also said, "Yup, a good hair day can turn it around."

    We are all in this together. We need to support each other as professionals because we know, no one else will. 🙂

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      1. Thanks, Tonya. I’m focused on remembering the power of gratitude. I’m apprehensive, but there are plenty of good things that please me happening all the time. Wishing you well!

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  4. Hello, friend … I was hoping to find you in our Slice challenge but I keep forgetting to circle back to the comments the next day … I am with you, on all that you wrote – the sadness, the reality check, the reminder to appreciate the small things (the apples) and all that … And glad that we might connect again across the March-s of the Years.
    Peace,
    Kevin

    Like

    1. Kevin! So nice to see you! Yes, I post so late that I’m too tired to search for our original-slicer family in the comments. I’m glad we’re both still here, still writing. Bonnie and I have managed to meet IRL twice now, which is another thing to add to my gratitude list. Wishing you and your family well! ❤

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  5. Stacie, I love how your words captured what so many of us are feeling and how you breathed out all your worries and breathed in the goodness and gratitude. It’s affirming to share with this community. Thanks for your words today. Stay healthy.

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    1. Thanks, Ramona. I keep thinking that, if something like this had to happen, it’s good that it happened in March, so I’d have the SOLS Challenge to push me to write about it. Otherwise, I might just watch and listen and not record. Wishing you — and all of us — well!

      Like

  6. You’ve nailed how many feel. Yes, you’ve acknowledged the frustrations, and like also that you enumerate the delights. Let’s find what little joys we can as we get through this.

    Like

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