Psychokiller, qu’est-ce que c’est …

(Before I dive in — all vax shot side effects seem to have passed! I feel like myself again.)

Forever ago, I worked nights as a video transcriber for Inside Edition. This was back when the show was first on the air, when David Frost was the front man and Bill O’Reilly was an anchor (did they call them anchors?). It was my second year living in the City. I shared an apartment with my sister and spent my days working as a word processor (is that even a job anymore?). My sister worked at Barnard College, maybe in Student Services or something like that. Whatever her job, it gave her access to the jobs that were posted for the Barnard girls, and in at least two instances, I applied for and got those jobs. The Inside Edition gig was the first of them. (Should I feel guilty about “taking” a job from an undergrad at Barnard? I don’t. My sister and I had next to no money. We needed every penny we could earn. And, too, both jobs were awful. I think I actually did the Barnard girls a favor by sparing them.)

All of the other video transcribers were guys. We worked in tiny rooms, just enough space for a TV, VCR and a typewriter (yes). It was a miserable job for which I didn’t receive an hourly wage but was paid by the number of tapes I could get through. And I’d leave the Upper East Side studio around midnight and have to make my way to Washington Heights. Because I was a woman, and the only woman on the transcription team, my supervisor gave me permission to add an extra video to my tally each night to cover the cost of a cab home. But since I had that job during the time my sister and I referred to ourselves as “The Poverty Twins,” I absolutely added the extra tape to my tally … and absolutely kept taking the bus uptown after work. Sometimes the trip was unnerving — the long wait for the bus transfer at a super-isolated stop on Riverside Drive — but groceries and rent seemed more vital, I guess.

Most of the interviews I transcribed were painfully stupid — the police chief who was angry because the teenager at his local sandwich shop had put too much salt on his roast beef in what was surely an act of anti-police violence.

Then one night I got a bin of tapes, and it was an interview with Diane Downs. I transcribed for hours. Hours alone in that tiny room just listening to this disturbed and disturbing woman. And I’m thinking about this now because — for reasons only the algorithms know — FB put a link to the Inside Edition episode in my newsfeed this morning. This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about Diane Downs. I think about her far more often than I’d like. Because of Farrah Fawcett’s excellent portrayal in the TV movie, Small Sacrifices — the “Hungry Like a Wolf” courtroom scene in particular — and because that always reminds me of transcribing the interview.

My instructions for transcribing videos were to write down everything that was said, with timestamps, and to include camera movements (close-ups, wide shots, etc.), and flag any interesting responses or facial expressions or bombshell moments that the reporter might particularly want to take a look at to consider including in the final piece.

Clicking through the FB link this morning was the first time I ever saw the piece as it ran on Inside Edition. They should have included more of Downs.

Transcribing the interview that night, watching Diane Downs, was both fascinating and terrifying. I’m being silly with the title of this post (and now have that song as an earworm), but Downs was absolutely a psychopath. I watched her and had no doubt she was capable of anything, no doubt that she was guilty. At one point, she tried seducing the reporter. I mean, “seducing” isn’t quite the right word. Not exactly. But definitely trying to win him, to get him to be interested in her and to like her — so that he’d believe her, I imagine. And her actions with him seemed automatic, as if she didn’t plan it or have to think about it. That kind of seduction was her go-to way of dealing with men. And when it became clear that she wasn’t going to win him to her side, she changed. Nothing dramatic. It was like the really good eye acting some people can do (Gary Oldman comes first to mind). They don’t move a muscle, but something in their eyes shifts and everything is suddenly different. I could watch the moment when she stopped seeing him as useful, when she stopped caring that he existed. He must have seen it and I’d guess that it felt a little unnerving. I don’t ever want to have someone look at me like that.

She scared the crap out of me.

She scared me because she was scary but also because she was so … anybody. She was such a regular person, someone I could imagine knowing, being in class with, working with. And something about the ordinariness of her masking the absolute horror of her upended me, blew my sense of equilibrium. The idea that anyone could be so regular and be a ruthless killer isn’t new, of course. Perfectly normal-seeming people do all kinds of vile and violent things. But something about Diane Downs was different for me. What I saw when I watched her interview tapes settled in me and freaked me out. I left my dark little cubby, dropped off my videos, transcriptions, and tally sheet, left the nearly-empty studio and headed up to 79th Street for the crosstown bus. Every person I saw on the street made me nervous. I could feel fear rise in my throat. I got to 79th Street … and hailed a cab.


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Original Slicer - GirlGriot

Watching the Clock

Sooooo … I’m at 52 hours now. And counting. I was really banking on that 24 to 48 hours of side effects idea. And I know these things aren’t exact, and four hours past “deadline” isn’t really all that much, but it feels like a lot. My fever has broken so I no longer feel high, which is entirely a good thing. But the body aches have returned, making even this little bit of typing really annoying.

BUT — I finished the last big part of my giant work project! Monday, we’ll wrap it up and tie it in a pretty bow, but it is done for all intents and purposes. It’s the first project of this kind that I’ve worked on in my no-longer-new job, and I let the stress of that get to me. Thanks to the rock stars I work with, however, it has all come together. And, after Monday, I can start picking up on all the things I’ve left sitting by the wayside as I worked on this.

First I need to get past this vax reaction, though. Here’s hoping that one more night of sleep will do the trick.


It’s the 14th annual Slice of Life Story Challenge!
Head on over to Two Writing Teachers
and see what the rest of this year’s slicers are up to!

Original Slicer - GirlGriot

8 Miles High

After work yesterday, I went out to George Wingate High School and got my second Moderna shot. It was quick and easy and well organized and I was on my way home (in a driving rain) in no time. I had a little dinner. I posted a slice. I went to bed. I thought, “Great! Give me a couple of weeks, and my whole life is going to change!” I had the #VaccinatedAttitude Marc Rebillet made me laugh about. (You can find the video on YouTube, but be forewarned: it’s a little … um … blue. Definitely NSFW!)

That all seemed about right. Then I woke up this morning. I woke up this morning and realized that I can’t even think about two weeks from now. How am I going to get through the next 24 to 36 hours? I woke up feeling like I’d been run over by a tank. And then the aches started to subside, and I got all happy … until the fever kicked in.

Woo! This fever, friends. I feel so drugged. I feel sluggish and loopy … so much so that I sent a really uncool email to the team that seemed to be calling out my boss for making problems for the project we’re working on. And, of course, my boss was on the email! Of course. Sigh. My boss, happily, isn’t an ogre, and seems fine, but I do feel crappy about it.

I tried to work all afternoon, which was a ridiculous thing to do. I needed to log off and put myself to bed. I spent the afternoon staring at different screens on my computer, not really figuring out how to approach the work, figuring out how to write a single word.

I still feel high. My fever hasn’t quite gone away. As soon as I post this, I’m going to bed. And I’m hoping I’ll wake up in the morning and feel like myself again.

And yeah, in two weeks I’ll be able to think about making plans to visit my family for the first time in a year. And that will feel so beautiful. But first I have to get through the next day.


It’s the 14th annual Slice of Life Story Challenge!
Head on over to Two Writing Teachers
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Original Slicer - GirlGriot

All together now!

We’re in the home stretch on the giant project I’ve been buried under. It feels good to see how close we are to the finish line. And it feels good to see, yet again, how amazing the team I work with is. They have put so much time and effort into this thing, and they are the only reason we are as far along as we are. This is a great group of people. They are, in fact, the reason I applied for this job. I wanted to work with them. And now I do!

A handful of us went to the main office today to work together — get components organized, get signatures on various forms. I don’t know that I can articulate how great it was to share space with my colleagues, how nice to look up and see other people, how nice to have a question and not have to use phone, email, or zoom to get an answer. We’re a long way from being back in the office full time, but today was a lovely little preview of how nice it will be to see people in person again.

It’s hardly surprising that it was nice to see people in person, that it was a nice change from me, my four walls, and my cat. There are a lot of things that have been good for me about working at home, and I’m not interested in rushing anyone back to the office. We need to work out the safety logistics first. As my boss pointed out this morning, too many of us share small offices, so there will have to be some fancy figuring to come up with alternative arrangements. But again, even with most of the floor being empty and all of us wearing masks, today just felt solidly normal. And that was comforting.


It’s the 14th annual Slice of Life Story Challenge!
Head on over to Two Writing Teachers
and see what the rest of this year’s slicers are up to!

Original Slicer - GirlGriot

Hey baby, hey baby, hey!

Hey baby, hey baby, hey!
Girls say, boys say
Hey baby, hey baby, hey
Hey baby baby

Can you make it make sense? Why would anyone think sending me a private IG message trying to hook up was a good idea, was a sensible idea, was an idea that should actually exist in any reasonable version of a universe that I inhabit?

I love that Gwen Stefani song, and those lyrics fit this dude so perfectly. Let’s factor in some additional data:

  • You “met” me in a zoom meeting this morning.
  • During the course of that zoom meeting, you twice mentioned your wife. TWICE.
  • While I do have the most gorgeous virtual background in the history of fake rooms, there is absolutely nothing about me in that space that looks anything like flirting or an invitation of any kind.
  • To open your message by saying, “I sure had to do some digging to find you online!” is super creepy. Yes, I’m sure you had to make some kind of effort to find my IG. Why would you do that?

Ugh. Needless to say, I rejected the message and creepy dude is blocked. I am most definitely too old for this nonsense.


It’s the 14th annual Slice of Life Story Challenge!
Head on over to Two Writing Teachers
and see what the rest of this year’s slicers are up to!

Original Slicer - GirlGriot